Curses: Vampires vs Werewolves

spoiler-free

Long before Edward vs Jacob the two biggest beasts in horror were fighting it out to be number one monster. The myths themselves have evolved over millennia but it is their depiction in popular culture that has really developed their characters. Of course, even in cinema their characteristics are constantly evolving, each representation inspired by the last, each film picking on the parts of the myth that suits their story and ignoring the elements that don’t fit.

Vampires in recent years have moved on from pure evil. They’ve stepped out of the shadow of the villain to become the hero in their own stories. But more importantly they’ve modernised. Most vampire films these days are set in the present or the future and like every other pensioner they are keeping up with all the latest science and technology. The days (or nights) of old castles and coffins are long gone and the age of entrepreneurial mega-rich vampires is here. Vampires have literally stepped into the light, and that is insane because vamps should not survive in daylight. And most definitely not sparkle.

Werewolves haven’t had it so easy. More often than not they are the sideshow in a vampire film or even the villain to the vampire hero. True werewolf films have been relatively thin on the ground and those that do exist haven’t been particularly original. The depiction of this famous curse has very few hard rules and a few fresh ideas could make a recognisable werewolf story into one hell of a film. One thing is a must though; you are not born a werewolf. Jacob from Twilight, as much as it suited me to use him for the opening line of this blog post, is not a werewolf. He is a shapeshifter, born that way rather than cursed, and not at the mercy of the full moon.

Vampire Werewolf
It starts with a bite. But why do some victims rise from the dead and others just die. There’s no definitive answer.

 

Passing it
on
A bite again, or sometimes a scratch. If you manage to survive an attack, your cursed. For simplicity, this one goes team wolf

 

Sunlight, garlic, holy water, wooden crosses, mirrors, silver, churches, rosaries, not being invited.

 

Allergies Silver bullets. In short supply I imagine…

 

A bit pasty, but if you like the older lover. A bit naughty, lots of experience, powerful and often kinky. If you still need convincing… two words… Kate Beckinsale

 

Sexy time If you had to choose between necrophilia and zoophilia. If you had to…

 

Bats are pretty amazing. They can fly, in the dark, without bumping into anything.

 

Animal
extinct
But wolves are majestic. Who doesn’t have a soft spot for these undomesticated pooches? 3-1 to Werewolves

 

The name Dracula and vampire are pretty much synonymous. Yes, not all Dracula adaptions have been a success. But the most famous monster in the world without doubt

 

The no 1. Name me one famous werewolf, a proper one, go on. Just one.. No. Thought not.

 

So you have to stay out of the sun and drink a little blood. It’s no worse than a badly bullied ginger kid. You get to live forever and have superpowers.

 

Worse curse Getting really irritable once a month, losing control of your senses, enduring a painful process. Thank god, this doesn’t happen for real. Howwwwl…

 

Werewolves beat Vampires 4-2 

It’s time we got over vampires and made a good werewolf flick.

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